Monday, April 20, 2009

YES I AM ALIVE AND SCREW THE RANGERS

Man I might have just blown $200, but that was one of the best days off ever. Rangers/Capitols play off game 3 at Madison square garden. I am very split about the result however. As a Flyers fan I was so happy to see a shut out game, but damn I would have liked to experience the sound in the stadium if the Rangers had scored. Not that the scoreboard noise-o-meter would have registered it correctly - when they zoomed in on it it was reading Hz not dB. Now come on this is a bunch of drunk male New Yorkers not a Jonas Brothers concert that thing would barely be flickering. Yes sad sound person I know.

So yes a successful day off despite the weather (we got soaked walking less than a block), much better than other people had all cooped up in the hotel. Something I'm sure I will hear about tomorrow as I "dumped" my bus buddy Roach to go to the game. As he says we could have had an evening at the Guggenheim, but I chose to watch people wield sticks and throw punches. Seems like a fair argument until you add the fact that it was a Harley Davidson exhibition we would have gone to.

So other than my perfect day off I've had a hell of a tour. Know I should have been writing a little more but I get so distracted by the groupies etc. I do feel, however, like giving a quick highs and lows up-date.

So first the highs:

1) Finding out the hotel I stayed in for pre-production was a central location for True Romance and while I was there Monk was being filmed. Pretty cool, almost makes up for the fact that I had my clothes in the dryer for 3 hours and they were still soaking wet.

2) Meeting our merch guy Roach. Seems scary at first to meet someone that has all the same traits, ticks and tastes as you but as we've decided we might as well take advantage of the situation to perhaps understand ourselves better. It's also nice to know your are not the only one wandering around in circles mumbling and arguing with inanimate objects.

3) Remembering the reason why it is nice to go on tour - the totally random people you meet that if you lived in your own corporate bubble would never happen. Prime example is Ft Lauderdale, Fl. During the load in there was a, I can't put it delicately, seemingly retarded girl talking to the loaders and commenting on everything including how much she like my outfit as it made me look twelve. Every one in the crew was making stupid comments about her. Don't take it the wrong way they are great guys, but then again their guys. I, not being someone who can avert my glaze and ignore people as I walk past struck up a conversation with her (most of the times I wish I could but here is an example why not). We ended up talking for probably an hour and a half about politics, her art/photography, the books she's written to combat the evil forces of Twilight and the British monarchy - her characiture of queen Elizabeth was fantastic. Turns out here mom was on cocainee while pregnant. STRAIGHT UP BITCH in my opinion. Kind of thing that brings you back from the whole fake rock'n'roll world your living in. And to top it off she thought I'd be a great candidate for president so she's all good in my book.

Actually I'll only do one low for now as the other situations need to play themselves out.

It is never nice to have your power supply blow up 3/4 of the way through the set. Not only does the band freak out that the stop hearing anything, but the audience doesn't help. There you are scrambling and climbing over mountains to the show happening again and you have a bunch of yokels screaming bullshit at you. Dude (haha yes I am Americanized mom) the venue was actually called the Dive what else do you expect.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

A WHOLE NEW WORLD

So I've had my first Californian Home Depot experience. One I will never forget and yet we never got out of our supped up/gas guzzlin' mini-van "upgrade":




(I believe the car rental place is owned by exxon).

Now I'm used to rolling up to my Home Depot, loading up a cart full of mulch, maybe wasting some time and money in the tool department and leaving wondering why I couldn't find one person to help me load all that shit into the back of my truck. Home Depot Hollywood is a totally different beast. A block before we even hit the entrance, the sidewalk was lined with Mexicans gesturing at all trucks that passed by. There was even security at the parking to attempt to deal with the situation????

Now unlike my co-worker I didn't feel the best solution for this problem was to put up an INS station at the Depot - Lou Dobbs has not brainwashed me yet - however I am ashamed to say I was glad we decided to go to a different one the next day and while I did not roll my window up (too hot for this East Coast girl) I did appear to fake a neck injury that mad it impossible to move me head from side to side.

I wish my grandfather could see LA these days. I've been here five days and covered a lot of ground. Every roadside crew, every chambermaid, every person breaking a sweat couldn't be mistaken for a very tan caucasian. Not to preach, but I think california would crumble into the Pacific faster than even Bill Hicks predicted if some americans had it their way. Not that I'd really shed a tear, so far I've had muggy weather in March, many hours sitting in traffic and been told that tomorrow a film shoot start outside my hotel room... LA LA LAND INDEED.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

BACK ON TOUR AGAIN, WAIT NO PRE PRODUCTION SORRY

Yes I made it to LA LA land. Too tired to write the first night - flew in and went straight to the bands rehearsal studio to prep gear. Too busy peeling old electrical tape off XLR cables last night; and yes I did wake up this morning with my cable tester imprinted on my cheek. No wonder I didn't sleep well.

Had an incredibly hectic day today, turned out the band wanted to start rehearsing tonight when we were thinking tomorrow. A mad rush to at least get thing set up to working order. Got to meet the new drummer. Surprisingly down to earth so far considering his drum tech who's been with us since Saturday gave I different impression. Suffice to say he was taking pictures of the hotel room to show him what it looked liked and he'd been complaining and pointing out the Mariott he'd stayed in. I'm sorry, but to me at a hotel a bed is a bed as long as there is running water and your wake up call isn't some one breaking in.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Yes I know this blog is absurd as it is being written on a macbook, but that's me

Ah my new obsession. I only have 10 days till I'm back on the road and the minutes are ticking down. How many albums can I get onto my ipod before doomsday comes? Screw getting my taxes done - you never know when you'll want to break out Kraftwerk or Brazilian football drumming on the bus...

And it's like a never ending league chart - alternative/punk is ahead, rock has got the heart and never underestimate the underdog r&b (my stax records collection has yet to be added). Sorry world music, you're women's lacrosse.

And, yes dad, I did buy an ipod. I feel like I should hang my head in shame. Even my overly attentive Best Buy nametag was wondering why I looked like I wanted to strangle the demo. Oh well even the mighty must fall and I could do it in much worse, but spectacular ways.

Monday, March 2, 2009

A WORD TO THE WISE

NEVER EVER EVER ACCEPT A HOUSE SHOW THE DAY AFTER YOU GET BACK FROM TOUR.

NOT ONLY DO YOU WALK AROUND IN CIRCLES TALKING TO YOURSELF MORE THAN USUAL (YES THERE HAVE BEEN MANY A SCARED PEOPLE TO REALISE THERE WAS NO BLUE TOOTH GOING ON) YOU RUN THE RISK OF RIPPING YOUR FRIEND'S TOILET PAPER HOLDER OFF THE DOOR THINKING IT'S THE DOOR HANDLE.

AHHHHHH SLEEP DEPRIVATION....

Monday, February 16, 2009

QUICK RECAP VOL 1

As I have been quite bad at keeping everything up to date I thought I would look at the back of my laminate to remind me where I have been recently and write whatever I could think of about those places/shows. So:

Billings, MO - ... - - ... wow.

Denver, CO - Just another show, though I did have the crow's nest mixing position. Sucks for actually hearing what is happening down there but as the drummer put it at least I get to "look down on all us mere mortals. Also had the opportunity to meet up with some of my old neighbors from when I was a little kid. Was wonderful other than my old babysitter showing the whole bus a picture of me when I was 4. My whole bad-ass is now shot.

St Paul, MN - Don't you just love playing shit holes where the house techs just love talking about what they don't know? I knew it was going to be a good day when I walked in on them ringing out the wedges, "hey take out 1k, no maybe that was 2k, hmmm" (and that was with smart on their laptop). Oh well, the more they liked to talk the more I could keep them distracted from the red lights on the amps. No I don't blow rigs up I just have to see how far they can go every once and awhile. Blows the dust off of them.

Milwaukee, WI - Most haunted venue in the country supposedly. Should bring my cousin Liz there one day. Does have a great history: HUGE mason's lodge (secret tunnels and all) that was then rented out to white supremacists. Later had a gay club where Jeffery Dahmer picked up his victims. Of course I did not hear any screams of tortured souls only the god damn kick drum coming back at me on stage four times. Why can't I change the laws of physics?

Chicago, IL - The House of Stairs and the amazing undulating stage.

Toronto, ON - Of course it's the first day of the live DVD shoot that everything goes wrong. Bad monitor cables, trigger cables getting pulled out, bass volume getting turned up to 11 out of nowhere. I BLAME IT ALL ON THE VIDIOTS.

Montreal, QUE - Didn't care what happened at the show, I got a home-cooked meal that night. Best possible thing you can recieve on the road.

New York, NY - Only day bands members were late for bus call. Doesn't seem like a big deal unless you know that you can't run the bus generator on the street there. Hence we all sat around with our coats on and flashlights out cursing their names.

Towson, MD - Considering in everyone's head the New York show was our last, not much is remembered about this one - other than or make shift bar we had on stage. Um still probably the worst sound system we had all tour. Made all the better by the fact that I found out that this was the last show using that rig and the next day the whole thing was getting ripped out and a brand new system being put in. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGG.

Anyway till the next tour.....

OH CANADA

So first I had a problem with America, now it is Canada's turn. And no it is not with the border crossing. Both times have been quite painless. I did feel sorry for the dog's nose as it sprinted onto the bus. Not for the frustration of knowing something was there, but not being able to find it (probably a bit like looking through my fridge at college), but man I have a cold and I still can smell men and old socks on this bus. Poor dog.

Now my problem with Canada. You talk to Canadians and they are so self-rightous about their superiority to America when it comes to commercialisation and what not. So what the hell is "Family Day"? We awoke this morning for a nice day off - buy some more gloves, socks, some decongestant, etc - to be told by the bus driver that EVERYTHING was closed bar one restraunt. Turns out it's a damn holiday created last year. Despite this, other than Christmas, it is the only holiday where everything closes. I spent my day off watching the worst, yet strangly hypnotic and amusing drumming instructional video ever.

Thanks a lot Canada.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

STUFFED

Ugh don't feel like doing a rush load-in right now. Always a pain doing a House of Blues on a Sunday. Gospel Brunch. At least the omlettes are good....

Monday, February 9, 2009

RANDOM RANTINGS (MORE TO COME I'M SURE)

IF YOU ARE A QUIET SINGER NEVER EVER HAND OFF YOUR MICROPHONE TO A DRUNKEN IDIOT IN THE CROWD TO HAVE HIS SAY. YES THE MONITORS WILL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF IF I CAN’T REACH THE FADER IN TIME.

OH AND IF YOU’RE A GIRL DON’T POSE LIKE A PLAYBOY MODEL WHILE CROWD SURFING. CAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT VENUE I’LL BE AT AND THE NEXT TIME I SEE IT I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT A REAL WOMAN CAN DO IN A MOSH PIT…

IS THAT A VENUE IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO SCREW ME

So Seattle is the birthplace of grunge. Noisy, sludgy, distorted, angry music - don’t get me wrong I’ll blast The Melvins any day. If the venue we were at yesterday opened in the mid-80’s than in no way was the movement any musician’s inspiration. That’s just how everyone thought it should sound.

Bad enough the sound system being far more work than it should be just to get something the band could even hear. Didn’t help being a couple feet from the cymbals, using a spirit monitor board (cue gagging sound effects) and just for fun having the EQ’s in a rack that I had to stand on a wobbly stool even to reach. Oh year and there was only one production person total. To top it off the place was more nazi mouse than Disney itself. First time EVER we all had to show our passports at a rock venue just to get into the dressing rooms. AND they wouldn’t let us have drinks on stage even in plastic cups. I had to be practically cavity searched just to bring water and towels on stage.

Top all this off with a dressing room that was sweating and 800 people in a room that should only hold 500 – serious heat wave. What type of scum do they breed on this coast that requires this type of security and puts up with this crap? Oh wait, I know, I met the promoter....

Friday, February 6, 2009

HOW DID I GET HERE?

Never realised how much Washington looked like Dorset. If I didn't know better I would think I was traveling down the A30. It even comes with the rain and sheep.....

Oops a little update we were actually still in Oregon. Less than a week in and I'm already getting confused where I am. Oh dear

I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT A PARKING LOT ALL DAY

Annoyingly I am writing this in word in hopes of copying and pasting later. The wireless internet on the bus has been absurdly slow all day and in lieu of throwing my laptop through the windshield….

Of course this had to happen on our day off. Wouldn’t be so bad, but there isn’t much to do in Medford, OR other than, shower, do laundry and go to Shop4Less and stock up on munchables. Sadly not being a stoner it only took me fifteen minutes. Others seemed to spend half the day there coming back with a plethora of dr pepper, brownies and white castle microwavable burgers (which by the way smell terrible).

And just to give you an idea of where I’ve been whiling away my time – including starting my father’s book finally:



Anyway, the last two shows both went incredibly well I am pleased to say. The band is getting much tighter than the first two shows when they were still learning the songs and I’m getting into a good rhythm as well. The LA show particularly had the hairs on visiting musicians arms stand up and had the crowd f’in pumped. Yes, quite quickly we have gotten to the stage that most of the time the reason they come over to the monitor board is to make off-the-wall Swedish remarks. Several times I have nearly spurted water all over the console. Not good as I know how I would react if someone did that at my house gig.

And sadly, yesterday we had to say goodbye to Karine. An uber fan from France who flew all the way over to go to the California shows. Compared to the cum-buckets, Texas airheads and stalkers we had around on the last tour I did she was not the norm. Classy, not interested in sleeping with anyone, plus she had a car and a hotel room, which meant she wasn’t an extra body in our slightly crowded bus.

Now my part of the tour might be starting to gel quickly, but I do feel sorry for our tour manager dealing with these stupid ass openers we got laden with. Little self-entitled bastards. Direct support is a band on their “yes we still exist” tour who think they’re rock stars. If their bus is sitting in the parking spot outside the venue one more time when we pull up to load in I say we see what happens to a bus if you stick a banana in the exhaust.

The first act is the exact opposite. Easy for them to travel in a van, I guess, as I doubt any of them have started to shave. Eating our food while we are sound checking, complaining about stage space (though part of that is due to primadonnas above), loaders, etc. Talk about green, you just want to shake them by their metal studded guitar straps.

Time to get some shut-eye. Want to get up at a decent time tomorrow. It was much nicer the other day to get a nice view of Alcatraz and the Golden Gate Bridge than waking up the typical view of venue out one window and liquor store on the other.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

LAND OF THE FREE

At least tonight I'm not awake at four in the morning due to first show anxiety or post first show depression, hence I'm actually writing again. After a few bumps at the beginning - language barrier being a main one - things are starting to shape up. Even getting compliments on the sound which makes me more relaxed. So did the beers I shared with the forgien portion of the crew - that always seems to bridge the gap.

Before I get too much into musings over the standings with the band which just make me think about it too much, perhaps a post mortem of the first few days later down the road.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH AMERICA

So we haven't even gotten to Canada yet and I've been through two checkpoints. The easy one was on the way back from San Diego to LA - a guess a big after the border crossing crossing point. Luckily got through that one without having to say loudly to the back lounge "get out your passports". ie swallow the pot. The only problem I had was trying not to laugh when I saw the "immigrant crossing" caution signs on the highway. Yes I know this is in poor taste,but it was just so astounding to see.

Our other encounter on the other hand was far more of a pain in the ass. Were we playing at the inauguration, Fort Dix....

no goddamn DisneyLand or as it seems to be affectionetly called by people who have experienced it before home of the Facist mouse. Since when, Walt, were a bunch of Swedes and a bus driver from the mid-west communists, when?

Anyway probably should go to sleep now only a few hours before the bus starts moving which is still difficult for me in the early days. Soon however it will become my best friend, the gently rumble masking the sounds of 10 men snoring. Good times, good times....

Friday, January 30, 2009

AND SHE'S OFF....

So to the best of my excel list making abilities I am packed and ready to go. Sure I forget something, but can't be as bad as the last tour. This time at least I know I have toothpaste and full length trousers. Plus what a coat I have for the frigid north, barely could keep it on for the photo shoot - interesting to see grandpa struggle holding the camera away from him whereas these days I pick up his camera and wonder where the screen is...

Will write again when I get to LA, no coat needed there, as I think my brain is slightly fried by trying to find into what crevices all my chargers and USB cables had fallen. Plus I managed to smash my finger in a door in my efforts to leave the basement somewhat as I found it. Really pissing me off while typing.